Deja Vue

I often get lost in my thoughts and find myself remembering a completely random scent, feeling, weather, thought, phase, etc. I always try to associate the present-day thing with the memory thing and try to figure out why one reminded me of the other. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, it feels as if I'm plagued with deja vue and I can't figure out why. Today I started thinking about the random things that pop up in my head and I realized that my deja vue or random musings repeat themselves. I'm not sure if any of these things are significant, but I can't get them out of my brain, so I'll share them with you :)

I remember Christmas morning when I was 8 or 9. I got a pogo stick. I remember the weather distinctly. It was one of the first warm Christmases of my life. I remember smiling as I jumped around on my newest toy and I remember feeling like "this is the life"...actually, I remember those exact words running through my head. Someone--can't remember if it was my mom or dad-- was video taping.

Whenever I hear running water it brings me back to my old bedroom. This is the thing I miss absolutely the most in my life. At night, I used to fall asleep to the sound of the shower running in my mom's room next door. I never really found that as something comforting until I had been out of her house for a few years. When things with Matt fell apart and my mom welcomed me back into her home, I moved back into my old room. The first night my mom turned on the shower, this sudden sense of calm, safety, and security came over me. This 24 year old woman felt 5 years old again. That noise is one of the best sounds I know.

Ok, so that was only 2 things... but as I wrote them, all the significance became incredibly obvious. I guess I'm missing that sense of family, happiness, and security I felt as a kid. I smile immediately as I think of these great memories and feelings that I will soon be able to create with a family of my own =)