Deja Vue

I often get lost in my thoughts and find myself remembering a completely random scent, feeling, weather, thought, phase, etc. I always try to associate the present-day thing with the memory thing and try to figure out why one reminded me of the other. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, it feels as if I'm plagued with deja vue and I can't figure out why. Today I started thinking about the random things that pop up in my head and I realized that my deja vue or random musings repeat themselves. I'm not sure if any of these things are significant, but I can't get them out of my brain, so I'll share them with you :)

I remember Christmas morning when I was 8 or 9. I got a pogo stick. I remember the weather distinctly. It was one of the first warm Christmases of my life. I remember smiling as I jumped around on my newest toy and I remember feeling like "this is the life"...actually, I remember those exact words running through my head. Someone--can't remember if it was my mom or dad-- was video taping.

Whenever I hear running water it brings me back to my old bedroom. This is the thing I miss absolutely the most in my life. At night, I used to fall asleep to the sound of the shower running in my mom's room next door. I never really found that as something comforting until I had been out of her house for a few years. When things with Matt fell apart and my mom welcomed me back into her home, I moved back into my old room. The first night my mom turned on the shower, this sudden sense of calm, safety, and security came over me. This 24 year old woman felt 5 years old again. That noise is one of the best sounds I know.

Ok, so that was only 2 things... but as I wrote them, all the significance became incredibly obvious. I guess I'm missing that sense of family, happiness, and security I felt as a kid. I smile immediately as I think of these great memories and feelings that I will soon be able to create with a family of my own =)

Family Funk

This week has been really tough for me as I've been dealing with some major hurt feelings. Someone in my family has questioned my integrity in a way that really upset me. It made me really question who I am and how I fit into my family. I consider myself to be a pretty generous person-- whenever I'm out with friends, I usually foot the bill-- and not someone who is too concerned with money. It took over a month for this issue to come out, and the only reason it did was because I confronted this family member about why they have been ignoring my texts lately. Little did I know, there was this underlying issue that I had no clue about! She thought that we got tickets for free and then turned around and charged her for them. After saying no, that's not true, she continued to question it. After showing proof that I did in fact pay for them, she apologized for questioning me and for her curiosity. My question is why wasn't that brought up the second it was an issue?

I am seriously struggling with this one because family just doesn't disappear. I can't just turn my back on the situation and never see her again, the way I could with a friend. She is my family and I WANT a relationship with her. But how? I don't feel like I owe it to anyone to have to PROOVE myself. I hate feeling the need to defend myself. Why was my integrity even in question in the first place? I live my life honestly and am not out to make a buck. Really praying for a way to find resolution in this situation as she says she is over it, I am not.

Friends

Over the past 5-ish years, I have lost connections. I still call my friends "friends", but all of those relationships are lacking depth. I miss the days when I could call up any number of friends and just sit in each others' rooms listening to music, talking about boys, and laughing. When did we all grow up so much and have to "host" a night in? Some things are the same... we still talk about boys (well, the men we are all blessed to have given our hearts to), and that is fun and occasionally gets deep. But I miss my girlfriends. I miss seeing them. I feel like life is all about work and scraping together enough time to spend with the man I love. It's about finding time to nap in the middle of the afternoon because I'm exhausted every day. Trying to squeeze every ounce of energy into spending time with my family and making those relationships important.

Here I am, ready to start this venture with a new job, and I still feel lost. It all sort of came crashing down on me tonight. I am so fulfilled in many areas of my life, but I'm starting to realize that there are many other areas that I have been neglecting and it's starting to take a toll. I want to make some new friends. And more importantly, I want to re-connect with the old ones. I want some depth. I want to have lazy days in my best friends' bedroom.

Fun at the OC Fair!

I have been a bad blogger... but mostly because I have been having so much FUN that I haven't had time! My goal is to give you a few more posts in the next couple days to catch you up on what's been going on!

I went to Ohio for a family reunion (another post about that adventure!) and the day after I got home, we were off to the fair! J and I met up with his mom, sister Jade, and sister Julia and her friends. We ate ALL the disgusting fried fair food, went on some stomach wrenching rides, and played tons of games! I have never experienced the fair like this, and as a one-time thing, I loved it! We didn't pay attention to how much money was flying out of our pockets (and that's alot when one stick of fried butter is $5!) and we were able to have a blast like little kids.

The most exciting part about the fair was when Jacob won Bob. He is the largest stuffed animal you can win at the OC Fair and yes, Jacob won him! It was hilarious to watch him carry this bigger-than-him penguin throughout the fair grounds. At one point I was left sitting alone with Bob and a mom walked up and asked if her daughter could take a picture with him!

Jacob is excited at the fair!!!

Jade eating a Texas Donut. SO big... and SO good!

Jacob carrying his goods!

You can see all the youngsters thought Bob was rad, too! Julia and her friends could hardly believe it.

Angie sitting with Bob. P.S. I hope our kids get her skin color!!!

Showing Bob a little love!

Cookin' It Up: Mini Greek Lamb Burgers

I tried lamb a couple times years ago, but it was never a favorite of mine (my mom raised me on a strict diet of no red meat because of my cholesterol, so I always tend to favor chicken)! Jacob has really turned me on to many different foods. So long are the days of same-ole for me! Lamb is definitely one of his favorite meats and I really enjoy it, too-- just in moderation (Jacob would be fine eating it for dinner every night!).

We had our friends Kevin and Jimmy over for dinner and these Mini Greek Lamb Burgers were quick, easy, and delish! We baked some fries to go with them and then had milk and cookies for dessert :)

Enjoy!

Mini Greek Lamb Burgers

Ingredients:

1/2 English cucumber peeled, seeded, and grated (3/4 cup)

1/2 cup plain yogurt, preferably whole milk yogurt

2 tsp. fresh lemon juice

2 tsp. fresh mint

1 small garlic clove minced

Salt and pepper

1 1/2 lb. ground lamb

1/2 small onion minced (1/4 cup)

1/4 cup parsley

2 tsp. fresh oregano or 1 tsp. dried

4 pieces pita bread

Iceberg lettuce for serving

2 medium beefsteak tomatoes sliced, for serving

Directions:

1. Heat grill or grill pan to high. Make tzatziki: in a medium bowl, combine cucumber, yogurt, lemon juice, mint, and garlic; season with salt and pepper. Cover, and refrigerate until ready to use.

2. Make burgers: In a medium bowl, use a fork to gently combine lamb, onion, parsley, and oregano; season with salt and pepper. Gently form mixture into 16 small patties, about 3/4 inch thick. Grill until medium-rare, 2 to 3 minutes per side.

3. To serve, warm pitas on the grill or directly over a gas burner, turning occasionally. Halve pitas, and fill with lettuce, burgers, tomato, and tzatziki.

One Day

"One day" is a term I hear alot. It used to be something that drove me crazy because I'm all about right now. I'm not the most patient of people-- especially when I know what I want and I'm simply waiting for someone else to get there, too. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind for me between work, stress with selling my condo, and still trying to feel settled in the new apartment. I've had a permanent bad mood, to say the least. Not sure where it was coming from (other than the stress noted before!), the past few days have been very humbling for me as I've recognized that my bad mood was due to not getting what I want. What a baby.

I'm now feeling more comfortable being perfectly content with what I have right now. Life is good and not a day goes by that I'm not aware of that. I just let my imagination go crazy with the "one days" that I dream about. My new goal is to stay grounded with all the blessings of TODAY.

Cookin' It up: Spicy Orecchiette with Broccoli

I've been working two jobs the past couple months trying to work towards a huge goal of mine (more details on that in a separate blog post!). Needless to say, I have barely had time for LIFE. Mondays and Tuesdays are my coveted days off with Jacob and we definitely make the most of our time together. One of our favorite things to do is cook dinner together, which we've been doing alot more of lately. Monday night we had a little date night including a very delicious dinner I wanted to share!

Spicy Orecchiette with Broccoli

Ingredients:

12 oz. orecchiette or other short pasta

2 tbsp. olive oil

2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced

1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon red-pepper flakes

1 head broccoli (about 1 pound), cut into bite-size florets, stalks peeled and thinly sliced

1/2 cup grated parmesan

Directions:

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta until al dente. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water; drain pasta and return to pot.

2. While pasta is cooking, heat oil in a large skillet over medium. Add garlic and red-pepper flakes; cook, stirring occasionally, until garlic is golden, 1 to 2 minutes. Add broccoli and 1/2 cup water; season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook until broccoli begins to soften, about 8 minutes. Uncover and continue to cook until water has evaporated and broccoli is crisp-tender, 1 to 2 minutes more.

3. To pasta in pot, add broccoli mixture, parmesan, and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce that coats pasta. Serve sprinkled with extra parmesan.

Next time I make this dish, I'm going to add some tasty summer squash. The picture above is fresh from the pot. It does not do it justice! This was one of my favorite meals in awhile and it was so simple to make! It looks a little bland because I'm super sensitive to spicy food.... but I ended up adding more red pepper flakes as I ate and it was delicious!

J and I played our new video game: Toy Story Mania on Wii (and it's in 3-D, hence the nerdy glasses!) and then ended the night watching the movie "Youth in Revolt" (not a movie I recommend, but it was just nice to relax on the couch together!)