Deja Vue

I often get lost in my thoughts and find myself remembering a completely random scent, feeling, weather, thought, phase, etc. I always try to associate the present-day thing with the memory thing and try to figure out why one reminded me of the other. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, it feels as if I'm plagued with deja vue and I can't figure out why. Today I started thinking about the random things that pop up in my head and I realized that my deja vue or random musings repeat themselves. I'm not sure if any of these things are significant, but I can't get them out of my brain, so I'll share them with you :)

I remember Christmas morning when I was 8 or 9. I got a pogo stick. I remember the weather distinctly. It was one of the first warm Christmases of my life. I remember smiling as I jumped around on my newest toy and I remember feeling like "this is the life"...actually, I remember those exact words running through my head. Someone--can't remember if it was my mom or dad-- was video taping.

Whenever I hear running water it brings me back to my old bedroom. This is the thing I miss absolutely the most in my life. At night, I used to fall asleep to the sound of the shower running in my mom's room next door. I never really found that as something comforting until I had been out of her house for a few years. When things with Matt fell apart and my mom welcomed me back into her home, I moved back into my old room. The first night my mom turned on the shower, this sudden sense of calm, safety, and security came over me. This 24 year old woman felt 5 years old again. That noise is one of the best sounds I know.

Ok, so that was only 2 things... but as I wrote them, all the significance became incredibly obvious. I guess I'm missing that sense of family, happiness, and security I felt as a kid. I smile immediately as I think of these great memories and feelings that I will soon be able to create with a family of my own =)

Family Funk

This week has been really tough for me as I've been dealing with some major hurt feelings. Someone in my family has questioned my integrity in a way that really upset me. It made me really question who I am and how I fit into my family. I consider myself to be a pretty generous person-- whenever I'm out with friends, I usually foot the bill-- and not someone who is too concerned with money. It took over a month for this issue to come out, and the only reason it did was because I confronted this family member about why they have been ignoring my texts lately. Little did I know, there was this underlying issue that I had no clue about! She thought that we got tickets for free and then turned around and charged her for them. After saying no, that's not true, she continued to question it. After showing proof that I did in fact pay for them, she apologized for questioning me and for her curiosity. My question is why wasn't that brought up the second it was an issue?

I am seriously struggling with this one because family just doesn't disappear. I can't just turn my back on the situation and never see her again, the way I could with a friend. She is my family and I WANT a relationship with her. But how? I don't feel like I owe it to anyone to have to PROOVE myself. I hate feeling the need to defend myself. Why was my integrity even in question in the first place? I live my life honestly and am not out to make a buck. Really praying for a way to find resolution in this situation as she says she is over it, I am not.

Friends

Over the past 5-ish years, I have lost connections. I still call my friends "friends", but all of those relationships are lacking depth. I miss the days when I could call up any number of friends and just sit in each others' rooms listening to music, talking about boys, and laughing. When did we all grow up so much and have to "host" a night in? Some things are the same... we still talk about boys (well, the men we are all blessed to have given our hearts to), and that is fun and occasionally gets deep. But I miss my girlfriends. I miss seeing them. I feel like life is all about work and scraping together enough time to spend with the man I love. It's about finding time to nap in the middle of the afternoon because I'm exhausted every day. Trying to squeeze every ounce of energy into spending time with my family and making those relationships important.

Here I am, ready to start this venture with a new job, and I still feel lost. It all sort of came crashing down on me tonight. I am so fulfilled in many areas of my life, but I'm starting to realize that there are many other areas that I have been neglecting and it's starting to take a toll. I want to make some new friends. And more importantly, I want to re-connect with the old ones. I want some depth. I want to have lazy days in my best friends' bedroom.

Fun at the OC Fair!

I have been a bad blogger... but mostly because I have been having so much FUN that I haven't had time! My goal is to give you a few more posts in the next couple days to catch you up on what's been going on!

I went to Ohio for a family reunion (another post about that adventure!) and the day after I got home, we were off to the fair! J and I met up with his mom, sister Jade, and sister Julia and her friends. We ate ALL the disgusting fried fair food, went on some stomach wrenching rides, and played tons of games! I have never experienced the fair like this, and as a one-time thing, I loved it! We didn't pay attention to how much money was flying out of our pockets (and that's alot when one stick of fried butter is $5!) and we were able to have a blast like little kids.

The most exciting part about the fair was when Jacob won Bob. He is the largest stuffed animal you can win at the OC Fair and yes, Jacob won him! It was hilarious to watch him carry this bigger-than-him penguin throughout the fair grounds. At one point I was left sitting alone with Bob and a mom walked up and asked if her daughter could take a picture with him!

Jacob is excited at the fair!!!

Jade eating a Texas Donut. SO big... and SO good!

Jacob carrying his goods!

You can see all the youngsters thought Bob was rad, too! Julia and her friends could hardly believe it.

Angie sitting with Bob. P.S. I hope our kids get her skin color!!!

Showing Bob a little love!

Cookin' It Up: Mini Greek Lamb Burgers

I tried lamb a couple times years ago, but it was never a favorite of mine (my mom raised me on a strict diet of no red meat because of my cholesterol, so I always tend to favor chicken)! Jacob has really turned me on to many different foods. So long are the days of same-ole for me! Lamb is definitely one of his favorite meats and I really enjoy it, too-- just in moderation (Jacob would be fine eating it for dinner every night!).

We had our friends Kevin and Jimmy over for dinner and these Mini Greek Lamb Burgers were quick, easy, and delish! We baked some fries to go with them and then had milk and cookies for dessert :)

Enjoy!

Mini Greek Lamb Burgers

Ingredients:

1/2 English cucumber peeled, seeded, and grated (3/4 cup)

1/2 cup plain yogurt, preferably whole milk yogurt

2 tsp. fresh lemon juice

2 tsp. fresh mint

1 small garlic clove minced

Salt and pepper

1 1/2 lb. ground lamb

1/2 small onion minced (1/4 cup)

1/4 cup parsley

2 tsp. fresh oregano or 1 tsp. dried

4 pieces pita bread

Iceberg lettuce for serving

2 medium beefsteak tomatoes sliced, for serving

Directions:

1. Heat grill or grill pan to high. Make tzatziki: in a medium bowl, combine cucumber, yogurt, lemon juice, mint, and garlic; season with salt and pepper. Cover, and refrigerate until ready to use.

2. Make burgers: In a medium bowl, use a fork to gently combine lamb, onion, parsley, and oregano; season with salt and pepper. Gently form mixture into 16 small patties, about 3/4 inch thick. Grill until medium-rare, 2 to 3 minutes per side.

3. To serve, warm pitas on the grill or directly over a gas burner, turning occasionally. Halve pitas, and fill with lettuce, burgers, tomato, and tzatziki.

One Day

"One day" is a term I hear alot. It used to be something that drove me crazy because I'm all about right now. I'm not the most patient of people-- especially when I know what I want and I'm simply waiting for someone else to get there, too. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind for me between work, stress with selling my condo, and still trying to feel settled in the new apartment. I've had a permanent bad mood, to say the least. Not sure where it was coming from (other than the stress noted before!), the past few days have been very humbling for me as I've recognized that my bad mood was due to not getting what I want. What a baby.

I'm now feeling more comfortable being perfectly content with what I have right now. Life is good and not a day goes by that I'm not aware of that. I just let my imagination go crazy with the "one days" that I dream about. My new goal is to stay grounded with all the blessings of TODAY.

Cookin' It up: Spicy Orecchiette with Broccoli

I've been working two jobs the past couple months trying to work towards a huge goal of mine (more details on that in a separate blog post!). Needless to say, I have barely had time for LIFE. Mondays and Tuesdays are my coveted days off with Jacob and we definitely make the most of our time together. One of our favorite things to do is cook dinner together, which we've been doing alot more of lately. Monday night we had a little date night including a very delicious dinner I wanted to share!

Spicy Orecchiette with Broccoli

Ingredients:

12 oz. orecchiette or other short pasta

2 tbsp. olive oil

2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced

1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon red-pepper flakes

1 head broccoli (about 1 pound), cut into bite-size florets, stalks peeled and thinly sliced

1/2 cup grated parmesan

Directions:

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta until al dente. Reserve 1/2 cup pasta water; drain pasta and return to pot.

2. While pasta is cooking, heat oil in a large skillet over medium. Add garlic and red-pepper flakes; cook, stirring occasionally, until garlic is golden, 1 to 2 minutes. Add broccoli and 1/2 cup water; season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook until broccoli begins to soften, about 8 minutes. Uncover and continue to cook until water has evaporated and broccoli is crisp-tender, 1 to 2 minutes more.

3. To pasta in pot, add broccoli mixture, parmesan, and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce that coats pasta. Serve sprinkled with extra parmesan.

Next time I make this dish, I'm going to add some tasty summer squash. The picture above is fresh from the pot. It does not do it justice! This was one of my favorite meals in awhile and it was so simple to make! It looks a little bland because I'm super sensitive to spicy food.... but I ended up adding more red pepper flakes as I ate and it was delicious!

J and I played our new video game: Toy Story Mania on Wii (and it's in 3-D, hence the nerdy glasses!) and then ended the night watching the movie "Youth in Revolt" (not a movie I recommend, but it was just nice to relax on the couch together!)

Cookin' It Up: Spinach and Brie Chicken with Tomato Orzo

A new favorite of mine! I couldn't find "chicken cutlets" so I bought "breast tenders". Rather than rolling the chicken, we placed them flat on the baking sheet, then added the fillings, then topped it with another breast tender. The cook time was alot longer and our chicken actually came out too well-done (mostly because I freak out about getting e-coli!) but it was still tasty!

Oh! and P.S. I'm a huge fan of orzo and this rendition is one of my new faves!!!

Spinach and Brie Chicken with Tomato Orzo

Ingredients:

8 thin chicken cutlets (1.5 lbs total)

2 tbsp. Dijon mustard

2 package (10 oz) frozen leaf spinach, thawed and squeezed dry

4 oz. Brie cheese, cut into 8 slices

1 cup orzo

2 plum tomatoes, cored and chopped

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

2 tbsp. better

1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice

Directions:

1. Set a large saucepan of salted water to boil. Heat broiler, with rack set 4 inches from heat. Place chicken on a large rimmed baking sheet lined with aluminum foil. Dividing evenly, spread one side of each cutlet with mustard; top with spinach, then cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Starting at short end, roll chicken up tightly, and arrange, seam side down, on sheet.

2. Season rolled chicken with salt and pepper. Broil, without turning, until tops are lightly browned and chicken is cooked through, 8 to 10 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cook orzo is boiling water until al dente. Drain well; return to pot. Add tomatoes, parsley, butter, and lemon juice. Season with salt and pepper, and toss to combine. Serve stuffed chicken with orzo.

Musical Inspiration

J and I started taking guitar lessons together last week. Anticipating our next lesson on Tuesday, I have been spending some time this week (only about 15 minutes a day because my fingers aren't callused yet!) practicing what I was taught. J is a much more talented guitar player than I am, but he told our teacher we want to start from scratch, so we're learning the basics! This week is all about the 1-4-5 so my little songs are nothing special, but still so exciting for me! One thing that I love, love, love about our teacher is that he's really tuned into what we like as individuals. I told him that my passion is writing (creative writing, not music specifically), so he said that at some point in our guitar lessons, he is going to assign me some songs to write, both musically and lyrically. It's so awesome to have an instructor who-- after 30 minutes-- is already gearing these lessons towards our creative interests. I am so excited to see Jacob grow in both skills and confidence. He has written some really great bits and pieces of songs and he definitely has talent! I can't wait to see how he progresses, especially because music is such a huge passion of his!

Maybe one day you'll hear a little bit of music written by yours truly ;)

Blessed Life

I live a blessed life. So many of my days are filled with happiness. Supportive family, loving friends, motivating boss, giving boyfriend. They all impact my days and make this life so great for me. Today was one of those BAD days. For me, they're few and far between but when they hit, they hit hard. There were quite a few moments where I was lost in pain and misunderstanding today, not comprehending the cruel actions of others. As I'm getting ready for a hot shower and a good nights' sleep, I am suddenly overcome with gratefulness for the life I live. What's one bad day? What's one person wasting their time trying to break me? Compared to the blessings in my life, it's nothing.

A Thing Called Love

Jacob has been in my life for over 10 years now. We met in high school and were instantly best friends. I think I spent just about every day at his house, whether we were watching movies, sitting on the couches listening to music, or babysitting his younger siblings. I have always been attracted to his huge heart, but other than a brief weekend of being swayed by friends, I have never felt anything more than platonic feelings for him. Over the years, we have come and gone from each others lives, but J was always so great about calling to check in. Our phone conversations were never too long or too deep, but between the work, dating, and eventually married life, we stayed in touch and always made a point to remind each other that we were still #1 in each others books... "You know you're still my best friend!"

Just over a year ago, it was back to the old days. I made an appearance at his house almost every day. What I loved about his presence was that it brought me back to the person I used to love... Me! I felt myself again. Passionate again about things I once loved. I was fun and outgoing and felt alive again. Feeling those things again quickly made me realize I wanted to be with him. Despite all of the thickness going on in my life, he was really the only thing that cleared things up. He supported me and loved me through a very difficult time and honestly made all of the difficulty probably a fraction of what I might have felt.

J and I have had some AMAZING memories this past year. I saw some places and experienced some things I have always wanted to! He took me on my very first trip to San Francisco. What a memorable trip! I will never forget walking across the Golden Gate Bridge with our arms wrapped around each other and just feeling completely overwhelmed with love for him. I've loved others in the past, but never have I felt it physically, mentally, and emotionally all at the same time. That night was the first time I told him I am in love with him (and to my complete joy, he felt the same!). The next few months brought even more travels... a trip to Denver where we saw Heart and Journey play at the Red Rocks Amphitheater, another trip to San Fran for a 3-day music festival in the park, my birthday trip to Chicago where he treated me to an in-room massage when I woke up and the most extravagant dinner I've ever had! We explored Seattle and enjoyed a small break from our busy lives.

Today we are celebrating one year of our relationship and I can't even begin to express how crazy in love I am with this boy! He is more than I could have dreamed of... and can you believe he was here all along??? He has the kindest heart of anyone I know. He is passionate about things and it is inspiring! He pushes me to be my best... he knows I want to be a writer, but despite my lack of confidence, he continues to push me and motivate me towards that goal. He is a man's man, yet shows such vulnerability with me. He makes me excited about life... not only am I excited for the next big steps in our relationship, but probably even more so, I am excited for all of the little mundane days of my life that I will be able to share with him. He is so smart and is always teaching me new things. We have FUN together! We are ridiculously childish and laugh constantly. He trys. My goodness, does he try! There was a period of time where I would push every single button, pick every possible fight, and play every game in the book-- expecting him to respond the same way every other guy had ever in the past. But he never did. He always tried to better himself and do whatever he could to right whatever wrong I was feeling. Every ridiculous fight I ever picked always ended with me being surprised at how much love there is in his heart, how gentle of a person he is, and how he is someone that is going to stick around. He's not going to shut down or walk away when I push. So now I've learned to stop pushing and just relax in the idea that he's here to stay. I feel so blessed. I can't tell you how often I throw a little shout out to God for sending J to me.

Twelve months have passed and I am still just as crazy about him today as I was when we made things official! My friends and family, you have seen me go through alot of changes the past couple years, and you have heard me say I am happy... please KNOW I am happy! I can't imagine my life any better than how it is now. I am in love with my best friend and I remind myself just how lucky I am every day!

Bucket List: Cookbook Challenge

It is so important to have goals... no matter how small or trivial they may seem. My entire life revolves around goals. Lists and goals. My bucket list includes random things like creating my own pasta sauce, going horseback riding, writing a novel, holding my newborn baby, and learning to speak Italian. Adding things to the list and crossing things off the list are both equally exciting to me. I LOVE to cook, but don't have the confidence or the time to be fortunate to consider myself capable of preparing a meal for others. After watching the movie, "Julie and Julia" I have a new goal to add to my list: cook my way through an ENTIRE cookbook. I don't care if it takes me years, I want to cook every single recipe out of one single cookbook. I don't eat fish and there are alot of dishes that don't even look appetizing to me, but I want the challenge! I want to feel comfortable in the kitchen, enough to know that I am not going to cause any serious illness to the poor souls who eat my food ;) So the search is on for a cookbook that inspires me enough to keep me motivated through every last recipe. I can't wait to share my journey with you!

Change of Heart

Last week while making dinner with J, I started naming off all the ridiculous reasons why our apartment is too small (laughing about doing the first thing on the list). It is a little tiny for 2, but we've made due...mostly because J is such a sweetheart and knows how much I love it here! Well, we gave it a shot again and visited the leasing office yesterday. We've already looked at the bigger 1 bedrooms and the 1 bedroom + den, all with no luck. My teeny tiny apartment just has too much charm to give up easily. We toured the "big dogs" in the community... the 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom. We LOVED the floorplan of 2 of them but when touring the available units, we were so disappointed with the doorway and the hallways leading up to them (I guess a picky thing to dislike, but who likes walking down a long dark hallway just to end up at your front door, which is surrounded by doors to the water heaters?!?). Finally, FINALLY, we decide to look at the big, BIG dog and we fell in love. So, I'm very excited to say that J and I will be moving into our new home in less than 3 short weeks! It is bittersweet for me-- 6207 is the first place I've ever been alone. I had to grow ALOT here over the first 6 months. It was the first time I've been financially on my own, as well. But this little guy finally feels like home and I'll be so sad to leave. However, it makes it all worth it because 1308 is a place J and I chose together and feels like another step for us. Plus, it's bigger, which means more comfortable and more rooms to furnish and decorate!!

So, just for the sake of keeping 6207 in our hearts:

You know your apartment's too small when...

You have to wash the spinach in the bathroom sink

Your boyfriend is forced to watch "The Hills" because there's only room for one tv

Your boyfriend is in the bathroom, so you have to pee in the kitchen sink

Your dining room, living room, laundry room, and kitchen all share the same room

The smoke detector in your bedroom goes off because you’re cooking in the kitchen

Check it out: AN EDUCATION

An Education was one of those movies I knew I was going to love before ever watching it... which is probably why I opted to buy the Blu-Ray-- I just knew it was going to be amazing! It's one of those movies that makes me want to be cultured. I've always been drawn to the arts, but never been able to pursue a life of them. I've seen a couple Broadway plays and absolutely LOVE theater. But I've never had the chance to see an opera, ballet, or orchestra, Paris, Rome, or Vienna. I could totally relate to the main character, Jenny, as she's smart, witty, and wanting something more. When she meets an older man, she is introduced to this lifestyle and gets a taste for some of the finer things in life. Without spoiling any of the drama, it is a moving story and I definitely recommend it!

Cookin' it up: Pork Tenderloin with Garlic-Orange Vinaigrette and Sauteed Spinach

J and I made dinner last night and I thought I'd share the recipe with you!

Pork Tenderloin with Garlic-Orange Vinaigrette and Sauteed Spinach

Ingredients:

4 tbsp. olive oil

2 pork tenderloins (about 1 lb each), trimmed and patted dry

coarse salt and ground pepper

1/4 cup orange juice

2 tbsp. dijon mustard

1 tbsp. honey

1 garlic clove

4 bunches flat-leaf spinach (about 2 lbs total), thick stems removed, washed well

Directions:

1. In a large skillet, heat 1 tablespoon oil over medium; season pork with salt and pepper. Add pork to skillet, and cook, turning occasionally, until an instant-read thermometer inserted in thickest part registers 145 degrees. 20 to 25 minutes (reduce heat if pork browns too quickly). Transfer pork to a plate, and cover loosely with aluminum foil; let rest 5 to 10 minutes (reserve skillet).

2. Meanwhile, in a blender, combine orange juice, mustard, honey, garlic, and 2 tablespoons oil. Season with salt and pepper, and blend until smooth; set vinaigrette aside.

3. In reserved skillet (if bottom of skillet is blackened, use a new one), heat remaining tablespoon oil over high. Add as much spinach as will fit; toss until wilted, adding more spinach as there is room, 3 to 5 minutes total. Drain off excess liquid, and season spinach with salt and pepper. Slice pork and drizzle with vinaigrette; serve with spinach.

Fearless Love

The lyrics to this song speak volumes to me. Melissa Etheridge's new album, "Fearless Love" was released today and for very obvious reasons, haven't even made it past the first track!

FEARLESS LOVE

When I woke up I was 17

You kissed my lips in a bad bad dream

Showed me things aren't what they appear to be

Called me angel and set me free

You gave me life in the cold cold dark

But you ran away in the morning's spark

Made me think that reality

Is not where I want to be

I am what I am and

I am what I am afraid of

Oh what am I afraid of

I need a fearless love

Don't need to fear the end

If you can't hold me now

You will never hold me again

I want to live my life

Pursuing all my happiness

I want a fearless love

I won't settle for anything less

I've walked my path had worlds collide

I lost my way and I fooled my pride

This lover's ache wouldn't feel so strange

If I could only change

But I am what I am and

I am what I am afraid of

So what am I afraid of

I need a fearless love

Don't need to fear the end

If you can't hold me now

You will never hold me again

I want to live my life

Pursuing all my happiness

I want a fearless love

I won't settle for anything less

Now I'm not here to lay the blame

I understand when you hold a flame

Heads will shake heads will turn

And sometimes you just get burned

Work Ethics?

Why are there so many people who don't appreciate their job? Sure there are days when I am uber-stressed and have alot on my plate, but I'm always able to find the positive in the situation. Be it a new challenge for me personally, or seeing my team grow, there's always the silver lining! I LOVE my job! I never thought I'd be 25 and still working in the restaurant industry, but there isn't a day that goes by without me feeling grateful and blessed with my job. I don't expect everyone else to have the same passion as I do, but I am shocked when people just don't care anymore.

An employee quit today because of a new job opportunity and gave me two days advance notice. In my restaurant, it isn't easy to lose somebody because I physically need a body to cover those scheduled shifts. Not only is it frustrating that I'm scrambling to re-adjust the schedule, but this was an Assistant Manager that left on those terms and hoped that I would employ her again after her new 30-day temp job ends. Yeah, right! I don't take it personally, but it just seriously offends me when people have no respect. J and I both work in the restaurant industry and feel so strongly that there just aren't very many hard-working people anymore. It's frustrating to have strong work ethics and then struggle to employ people with similar qualities-- this is one of my ongoing complaints about people in my generation.

So to those of you reading this, appreciate your jobs. Appreciate that you have qualities that an employer saw and sought after. Appreciate that there are people struggling to feed their families and you are making money to make sure that doesn't happen. Appreciate that there are people above you, whether they constantly show you or not, whose jobs/stress levels/sanity depend on how honest of an employee you are. I hope that everyone can learn to be passionate about their jobs, but if you aren't, at least be tactful and respectful to those above and below you.

A little bit of life... appreciate everything. And always try to put yourself in another person's shoes before making a decision.

The High Life

I know that there are people of all ages who struggle with addictions. I'm an avid watcher of the show "Intervention" and it is so heartbreaking to see these people give up on life. What gets me the most is when I see teen addicts. Sure, most of them have suffered some type of abuse (but haven't we all??), but it is so shocking to me when someone who is 18 years old seems to think that there is no hope for their life. I look back at how much I have grown since I was 18 and the life I once lived seems like a complete strangers'. So many things have changed and so many opportunities have come my way-- for love, growth, and a more confident me.

J has his morning ritual of reading the news while brushing his teeth. He told me about an 18 year old girl who crashed a van into a home, killing a 69 year old woman. The teen was quoted saying, "The thing that made me not feel so bad was she was old. I mean, 70 years is a long time to live."

Kayla Gerdes was high on OxyContin and Xanax when she crashed her boyfriends van into a house. In another article I read, Gerdes' boyfriend was also high and not driving fast enough when Gerdes told him to pull over and let her drive. Moments later, the high, unlicensed driver, crashed into a house, killing a woman. Gerdes was running late to a court hearing for charges of stealing money and jewelry from her own mother. Her mom was hoping that the judge would order Kayla to drug rehab.

Then, on a completely separate note, she told police: "I want to see a newspaper or the news to see what I look like."

It is so sad to me that someone lost their life because of this girls stupidity and her addiction. It makes me sick to think that rather than find some sense of remorse, there are people in my generation who can easily justify the death of someone because they are old. It also sickens me that some people can be so concerned with their looks. Yeah, we all love to see a good picture of ourselves. But after killing someone and seeing your photo in the newspaper because of that? Definitely not. So, let's give this girl what she wants. Everyone should look at her picture. Everyone should remember her face. Hopefully someday she will feel a little embarrassment and remorse for what she's done.

If you want to check out the article, visit the website below:

http://wcbstv.com/local/kayla.gerdes.teen.2.1650435.html

Dreaming

People have all sorts of hopes and dreams. Landing their dream job, school goals, that size 2 body, etc. Sure, I daydream now and then about what life would be like if I had _________. But one thing that I have always wanted is a baby. I don't care if I am blessed with one or TEN-- I just know that I want to be a mom.

There are so many things that I lacked in my childhood that I want to make sure I get right with my kids. I know there will be frustrating days when my baby won't stop crying, my house is a mess, my husband is off at work, I'm covered in spit up, and I haven't slept in days.I know there will be days when I feel heartbroken because my child is humiliated by a friend, bullied on the playground, or embarrassed for not knowing the answer in class. I know there will be days when I can't stop worrying because my teenager is making bad decisions and I won't know how to steer them in the right direction. But I also know that every single day of that baby's life, it will be told how in love with him/her I am. I will always remind them-- and myself-- how badly I yearned for them. I will make sure that baby will grow up surrounded by love.

I know that now is not the time for that change in my life. But I do know that this is something I have always wanted. I have found contentment with those other things. No, I'm not a writer like I planned, and my size 8 is not as close to a size 2 as I'd prefer. But I have been blessed with this life I've been given, and the only thing I still dream about, is the day I get to hold my child in my arms!

Blog-stalking today, I came across this photo that just makes my heart melt. One day this will be mine =)

Just realized I saved this photo on my desktop and now I can't remember whose blog this was! So, not to discredit someone... this is an amazing shot that I am in love with!

I Heart Ikea

Ok, I'll admit it: I am addicted to Ikea. Heck, I could be the poster child for Ikea. Their furniture, bedding, decor, and lighting are all so modern. I'm not one for keeping things for years. I'm all about "out with the old, in with the new", so my shopping definitely follows that pattern. When I shop for a couch, I'm not looking for something I can pass down to my grandkids. It's all about affordability so I can swap it out in a few years when I'm ready for something new. I'm not my mothers' generation...and I definitely don't shop like hers!

The thought of living alone has always been a little terrifying for me, but I made the big step last August. Even MORE terrifying (and exciting) was purchasing furniture and decor for this 650 square feet I call my home. After hours of planning and shopping, I happened to find everything I loved and wanted at Ikea. Oh, my Ikea. You never fail.

Everything from couches, lighting, and flower vases--my apartment is all dressed up in Ikea. And it makes me smile =) Just thought I'd share a little bit of life with you... my apartment!

Here We Go!

It's time for all you bloggers out there to get a little taste of my life. Stay tuned for a bit about some of my favorite things: love, life, food, and a little bit of adventure.